Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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