He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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