Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
