Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
