Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
