oh god the rape fog is back!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
