My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
