Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize