i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
