I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
