I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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