By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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