i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize