your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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