I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
