She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize