How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
