wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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