SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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