Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
