Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize