I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We talked him into tasing himself.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize