I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
