i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
