i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
