I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
