I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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