Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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