The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
