I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
