We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just had sex on a roof
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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