Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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