sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
