I wanna bring you to show and tell
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
