Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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