when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
