I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
