I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
