We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
