just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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