I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
