He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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