my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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