Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
