is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
