Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
