How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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