ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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