this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
