He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
