I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
