i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
