Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
