But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Randomize
