Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
