I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i think i just lost a toe
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize