We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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