Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize