please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
