he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
