so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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