fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
