Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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