The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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